Bedtime Tales...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

My daughter has suddenly got fascinated by stories of the Hindu Gods. So every night it is my job to tell her one or two stories. Since I grew up on Amar Chitra Katha...and that too by reading each of them several times...it is not too difficult a job to find a story to tell her every night. I used to correct my grandma when she made mistakes in the stories..hah! Right now we are on the Dashaavataar (Vishnu's not Kamal Haasan's!) so that I don't need to think until all the 10 avataars are over.

When I read these stories as a child, I had no problem believing any of them and don't remember feeling even an element of surprise at all the impossible things that happen in the stories. But now, telling the story as an adult, is so totally different. I find myself searching for rational explanations to most of the stuff.

Now, how does one find a rational explanation for some people using a mountain and a snake to churn the ocean...and then churn out amazing stuff like a beautiful maiden and a pot of nectar that gives immortality!!! And how does one explain a sea turtle so huge that it could lift the mountain...or a wild boar that went to hell and rescued the planet earth using it's tusk! I started the Ramayana yesterday, so now she thinks babies can be born by the mother having some kheer. I think I'd better give the Mahabharata a skip...rather than explain 100 sons of Drutharashtra born out of 100 pots...and the Pandavas born by just chanting a mantra!!!!

But I must say I enjoyed telling her the stories of the devotees...stories of Dhruva, Prahlada, Sudaama and that little boy who crossed the forest in Krishna's company every day...it clearly conveys the message that having faith makes everything right in the end.

What is amazing is that she does not seem to be surprised at any of these irrational things. She is equally interested in space, the planets, the satellites and the weather...and can sit with a picture encyclopaedia for hours...and she also enjoys all these stories I tell her. The day she starts relating the two and asking me difficult questions I shall stop telling her stories!!!

Until then let me flaunt my knowledge and my memory!!! :D I'm enjoying the admiration in her eyes and the interest and anticipation on her face every night!!!

Growing up???

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

What I’ve been dreading for a long time has happened! My daughter has started speaking about ‘it’! You don’t get what ‘it’ is? You know.... 'LOVE'!!!! She spoke of ‘love’! We go ‘I love you’, ‘you love me’ at home all the time to each other. This is not THAT ‘love’. This is the ‘other’ love… you know…the ‘love’ love…....‘luuuuuurrrrrrrrvvvvvvvveee’..*smirk* *giggle*

Okay, I shall stop rambling!

Well, my daughter has been very innocent all these days. She does not talk stuff beyond her age as some children do and does not pay overt attention to any ‘uncomfortable’ stuff on TV or the movies. Even when my hubby and I get...er...affectionate...at home, she gives us an indulgent look, shakes her head and goes back to her book. Anyway, I’ve been quite happy about the way she handles that stuff.

Now recently, one day, she comes from school and tells me, ‘You know Amma, today A was holding M’s hand. And P asked them if they are 'in love’. A, M and P are her best friends at school! And she didn’t say it just like that. When she said the ‘love’ part, she had a naughty look on her face and she whispered it in our ears as if it was some taboo topic! My husband and I did not know how to react for a second. Then, resisting the urge to laugh, we told her that, there is nothing so great about holding your friend’s hand. It’s the most natural thing in the world to do. Then she said, ‘but he is a boy!!!’. And I said, ‘So what? Boys can be your friends too’.

I do really want her to grow up feeling that way. I want her to feel comfortable having lot of friends, boys and girls. I want her to understand that boys and girls can be friends and can hold hands and there need not always be ‘love’ in the picture. It’s only when you have lot of platonic friends that you can really experience the thrill of finding a romance! Isn’t falling in love with a friend when you least expect it such a thrilling experience?

Well, the end result of all this is that nowadays I’m busy teaching my six year old daughter that it’s perfectly okay to have boy friends and to hold their hands! Do you think this will boomerang on me in, say, another ten years or so???

Dancing Genes

Friday, May 16, 2008

I am so thrilled! My daughter has started her Bharatanatyam classes!

When a daughter was born to us, my friends said..'Good... you can teach her dance AND music'. I have learnt South Indian classical dance forms for almost 15 years and done quite a bit of dancing in school and college and my husband is a very talented singer and even now a key bhajan singer at Sai bhajans. Our friends were quite convinced that our daughter will be a singer AND a dancer. But we were not so sure! We knew that each of us contributed only half of the chromosomes...and remembered what we were taught in school about dominant and recessive genes... what if she sang like me and danced like him!!!! Oh! The horror of it!!! So we used to give a sheepish smile to our enthusiastic friends and subtly change the topic!!!

As she grew older, we were able to make out that she has some talent for singing. My husband, who is the severest critic when it comes to music and singing, admitted that she seems to sing well with the right notes and all that. It is indeed high praise coming from him! If I happen to hum a song while doing my cooking or in the bathroom, he starts screaming 'Shruti! Shruti!!!'....making the listeners think that maybe he suddenly forgot his wife's name and remembered an ex-girlfriend... nooo... it's just that I'm singing all the wrong notes... ('shruti' means 'pitch/tone' )

I was relieved! Singing is the one thing I wish with all my heart I could do. So I was thrilled that my daughter has not got my singing chromosomes!!! Forget about dance... I can teach her music.. and who knows, when she grows old enough she might even win us an apartment or two worth crores of rupees in some musical reality show!!!

So I was busy looking out for some good music teacher and was not able to find any in Dubai. Oh, how I regret leaving Singara Chennai, the heaven for classical arts and artists!!!

And then one day, my daughter tells me that she wants to learn Bharatanatyam. She has a few friends learning it and has also watched on with interest when I get into one of my dancing moods and practice at home. But I was not so sure... unlike music, you really cannot make out the talent for dance until you start learning and performing. But still I made a half-hearted attempt at searching for a good dance teacher. I'm quite a critic when it comes to dance as well. My regret at leaving Chennai surfaced again... I used to live in Adyar...within kilometers from the greats like Padma Subrahmaniam, Dhananjayans and the famous Kalakshetra itself!

But two weeks back, luckily, I came across a good teacher and was even able to watch her perform on stage before my daughter started her classes. So finally, last week, my daughter went for her first dance class! It was so nostalgic to watch her give the 'dakshina' to the teacher and start her first steps...

From the looks of it, she is enjoying the classes and learning quite fast.... and even teaching the younger kid next door who is also going with her to the class... It's touching when she takes my advice on dance seriously and tells me...'Amma, even though my legs hurt a little, I still danced like you said I should'...or...'Today I watched the big kids and learnt some new steps...like you used to do when you were small'.

I don't like the idea of parents forcing their children to do the things they love to do (or could not do)... but I'm really glad that she would get to experience the beauty and grace of Indian classical dance.

Parenting for dummies

Friday, April 25, 2008

Does it happen that when Moms blog, it ends up being something about their kids always? I'm sure it happens often. I think that's because kids are such great teachers. They make you think and change yourself for the better.

Last week, I found myself having fights and arguments with my daughter over something or the other every day. Most of these would end up in me losing my temper and screaming at her and her crying. Some of the times, I knew I was right. At other times, I wasn't too sure that I didn't just overreact. But every time, I knew that losing temper was not helping either of us.

After one of these bad fights, I suddenly realised what a bad example I was setting for my daughter. Normally, I'm an even tempered person and losing temper is pretty rare and happens only with my daughter when she is terribly bull-headed. But, she was unconsciously learning that losing temper and screaming like a banshee is okay. And also that, if you are REALLY angry, you can even throw some stuff around!(Yeah, I did that once too, I'm so ashamed! :-( ) I got a bad jolt! I certainly didn't want her to grow up an angry girl and become an angry, ill-tempered woman. And that too, because of me and my bad parenting!

I decided I needed to tell her that it's not right to lose temper and scream at people even if you did not agree with what they did. By then, we had both come to the stage of silent sulking. So, I said, 'Okay, there is no point in fighting. Let us stop fighting and be friends.' Then, we both had our evening showers, put on fresh night dresses and settled down to do the school work for the day. I told her that before we start, we should pray to God. I went first and said, 'God, forgive me for losing my temper and shouting. I know that it is bad manners to get angry, scream and throw things and I promise never to do this again.' From the corner of my eye, I could see her eyes open wide in wonder at what I was saying. She was clearly not expecting that! Once I finsihed, she suddenly came up to me and gave me a hug. She was feeling sorry for me that I had to let go of my ego and apologise, even if it was only to God. She sure knew how tough it was to say 'sorry'! She then said, 'It's bad to get angry, right? I know that too. That's why now I don't get angry with Aditi when I play with her. I share my toys with her and let her be 'teacher' when we play 'teacher..teacher'!'

I was not sure at all on how much truth there was in that last sentence, but I hoped it meant that the next time they played together, she would do what she said. And I went to sleep that night with a feeling that I haven't messed up too much........yet !!! Do we have a 'Parenting for Dummies' out there somewhere?

Daughters...

Friday, April 11, 2008

"I'll not play Barbie or Princess games any more. I'm a big girl now! I'm in Grade 2" That's my 6 year old daughter to her friend who has come over to play with her. Her friend is one year younger to her!

I can't really say I'm happy that my daughter is growing up so fast! She used to be such a darling little baby! I miss her baby days now! The trouble is, even though I can clearly remember my childhood and school days, I cannot seem to remember too much in detail about things that happened 4-5 years ago. When I remember my daughter's baby days, what comes first to mind are those monthly visits to the doctor..that deadly fear I used to feel every time she falls sick...the days when she had one of her fevers and I used to just sit up and watch her sleep, afraid to fall asleep myself...the helplessness and tears when she was in pain and I couldn't do anything to help.Even when she was not sick, I had developed this habit of putting my hand to her forehead to check for fever!

And now that she doesn't fall ill so often, she is all grown up!!!!

That's not to say I don't enjoy the time I spend with her now. I do! Now, I'm kind of able to make out what kind of a person she would grow up to be... I can see her character developing! For the last one year, we have kind of become friends and have regular conversations and I feel she understands me. I guess that's the wonderful thing about having a daughter. I have a friend with two boys and she says she just does not know WHEN they will grow up!!! And looking at some of the men I know (my husband included ;)) I cannot really give her a consoling answer!

I find myself wondering often what I was like at my daughter's age. Most of the time I end up realising that she is a much better person that I used to be at the same age. She is selfless and affectionate. In the games that we play together, she really is upset when I lose...she wants me to win and I can see her trying to lose so that I can win. I don't remember being that way when I was a kid!!!

It gives me mixed feelings...I feel happy that she'll be wonderful person but I'm also scared that she'll get hurt giving up too much for the people she loves!!!